Doug Crankle

Doug Crankle is an unseen character in the Loss Prevention Pilot. He is a local newspaper writer.

In the credits, many newspaper clippings by him can be read, mostly covering the events of the pilot from the public perspective. Here are some articles from Doug that can be read.

GROCERY STORE ROBBERY THWARTED BY MYSTERY MEN

Last night, a mysterious mystery occurred. Reports indicate that a grocery store heist went down here in West Lake at the very local GreenGrocer at 3:00AM. Bystanders indicate that two mystery men pulled up in an ugly van covered in strawberry decals, and ran inside. Minutes later, they emerged with the perpetrators restrained in sexy handcuffs. Could our humble town have their very own Bat-men? Or could they just be two idiots? I tell ya, I really don't know. We are currently reaching out to owner Frank for comment.

We asked local Nick Flick what he was doing out at 3:00AM. "Well Douglas, I came out to GreenGrocer to steal a watermelon. They just leave them outside all night, you know. But I wasn't part of the crime ring, that was a coincidence. I just really wanted a watermelon to stuff under my shirt to pretend I was pregnant to fool my wife". We reached out to Nick to see if his wife ended up being fooled, but we found him cuffed to his fridge with a note reading "Loss Prevention always finds out".

LOCAL BITCH OPENS OPENS NEW GROCERY STORE LOCATION

The tale as old as time. Today we spoke to local Frank, the local owner of a local chain of local grocery stores known as GreenGrocer. It's very local. Previously known by his stage name, Frank Blood, from his time in a rock band known as Frank Blood and the Bloods, took the time to talk to us in an exclusive interview. He stated that his mission is not to be a friendly face in the community, but to be a stone-cold money-maker. Very cold indeed. So far Frank is a pretty good businessman and rules over his stores with a fist of iron. "He scares me a lot sometimes" said Ted Scrapoon, a seventeen year old bagger who was hospitalized after an encounter with Frank. "Baggers get daggers" said Frank, after reaching out for a response.